Turds in the punchbowl

One of the commenters in Agnostic’s thread about Millennial persona striving inadvertently provided an eerily apt description of me and my Facebook habits:

I know these persona strivers. They’ve been around for a while.

I’m in my early 30s and these were the people who graduated college but did not find full time work when they graduated college. They post constantly on Facebook about anything and everything. They will even joke that they post on Facebook about anything and everything.

They’ve been doing this for 10 years now but there are cracks forming in the facade. There’s a twinge of bitterness in their posts now but it is directed towards socially acceptable targets (capitalism, Trump, etc.) The men are balding and paunchy, the women look 10 years older than they are and they’re getting a spare tire too. They’re pretty forgotten and forgettable. I used to think they posted constantly so people were aware they existed but persona striving makes more sense. I can’t help but wonder what happens anytime they see one of their Facebook friends posting about getting a promotion or having a baby.

Underemployed, balding, paunchy (although I prefer “festively plump”), showing early signs of aging (maybe; my peers don’t look as young as they once did, either), spewing more shit onto Facebook than some scolds approve for publication: sounds about right. One quibble I have with this description is that I do not steer clear of sacred cows on Facebook out of some politically correct instinct, at least not consistently; I’ve posted links there to a number of my blog posts here, including ones in which I’ve put in a good word for hookers, rebuked the kill-whiteys of the black underclass, reluctantly praised Trump, etc. I truly cannot be bothered to give  a shit about the easily offended fee-fees of censorious, craven twatwaffles I used to know in college who, although I don’t have proof to this end, I know for a fact would lose most of their respect for me if they were aware of my current socioeconomic circumstances. This pathetic crowd, by the way, is disproportionately comprised of a combination of status and lifestyle strivers (there’s quite a bit of overlap between the two sets in my experience).

These fuckers want to lord it over people like me, and they lord it over people like me every chance they get. They should be given no quarter by their ethically grounded peers. They certainly should be given no deference in matters of what they consider appropriate to post on Facebook. They can unfriend me if they consider me that obnoxious or scandalous; some of them already have.  One of those who forsook me thus is a socially climbing Russian-American chick (born in Mother Russia but raised near Philadelphia and fully acculturated, with no discernible Russian accent) who was constantly polluting my feed with scrupulously composed pictures, consciously anodyne pictures from her frequent Caribbean beach vacations. She was obviously branding herself, and I had no use for that noxious chickenshit. It will probably come as no surprise that she’s an MBA. They aren’t all like that, but some of them fucking are. In fact, there are many more of them in this mold than there are male nurses carrying on the occult hospice tradition of sexy male nurse Orville Lynn Majors.

Just thought I’d throw that out there, since I’ve been told that I’m already offending the dipshits. If you came here for a coherent, organized narrative, you probably came to the wrong place. I slept in my car again last night, and not too well because a borderline-retarded dude woke me up at 2:30 or some shit by tapping on my window and trying to bum a cigarette. Quite a nice, innocent fellow, actually, but fucking shit, mate. Come to my window, come inside, no actually, how about you don’t come inside, that’d be great. And with my luck, of course, it’s never  Melissa Etheridge who tries shit like that, but some retard. Maybe he was just trying to assimilate me into my true tribe.

As far as my feelings about my friends’ positive life updates are concerned, I’m happy for them when they have babies, as I’ve tendentiously described here in the past. One child born in this world to carry on, etc. Amen. But promotions? Be careful about that shit, or you’ll turn into another endlessly obnoxious asshole begging for positional violence from this country’s proliferating class of disenfranchised surplus labor. Realtalk: Trump has an organic, grassroots following among the marginalized because he speaks coherently to us. I have serious misgivings about him because he tends towards coarseness, but the people running against him are some combination of crooks, hereditary oligarchs, theocratic demagogues, useful idiots, and certifiable Looney Toons. There’s a vacuum for plain dealers in American politics, and Trump is the only candidate currently willing to fill it at the national level. Yes, it’s bizarre that he’s the man for that job, being a billionaire who owns a monogrammed 757, but he’s all we have right now. And again, your promotions, if they aren’t awarded towards some credible social benefit, or if you brag and preen about them in a way indicative of a greater interest in your own socioeconomic advancement than in being a productive, upstanding member of society, do in fact stir our resentment. There’s no way around that.

No one’s spreading the wealth these days. We’re going Third World. Below the top one or five percent, the elites don’t even make an effort to invite their top-tier college-educated peers into their rackets. That’s how stingy and arrogant they are about the stability of the regime benefiting them. They don’t hook people like me up with the good stuff. I’m not really complaining, because honestly I’d rather do farm work than deal with most of the political bullshit that consumes white-collar offices, but what do they expect to achieve by marginalizing, humiliating, belittling, and otherwise mistreating peers who are as literate and coherent as I am? They show their true colors with these cheap stunts. They prove that, with sadly rare exceptions, the top quintile of American society is actively hostile to everyone else. They can talk as loud a game as they like about charity and social responsibility, but these are their revealed preferences.

Many socialist types have argued that higher education is designed to neutralize potentially restive and persuasive youth elements with ivory-tower wankery. Keep them occupied in the ivied precincts and they’ll be harmless, our betters figure. Well, don’tcha know, the administrators and the lenders are eating the seed corn that, in a good year, once kept this project viable. Oops.

Electric Avenue: rock down to it, Durden, m’Lord.

There are people who earnestly think that failures to launch who have been aggressively marginalized by cutthroat managerial-class concern trolls might be able to finally be contenders if they just cleaned up a bit more thoroughly, put on a game face, and upped their LinkedIn game. LOL. This isn’t just a dishonorable, dishonest tack; it doesn’t fucking work. We can’t even be assured of getting anything worth having in exchange for our censoring our public comments for the aggrandizement of employers and prospective employers. Morally, even arguing for this sort of stance is on par with local notables in the Jim Crow South threatening to fire and evict their black compatriots if they dared turn out to vote. This is the essence of personal branding as advocated by career advice gurus. It’s no less morally bankrupt for not having the full force of positive law on its side, as Jim Crow did. Robert Pickton is still a psychopath even if the Mounties can his ass. Remember, though: Canada was not founded as a slave state, but a number of the Thirteen Colonies were.

So I and my dyspeptic comrades on Facebook are turds in the brightsiders’ punchbowl, and they’re sore about it. Bully for them; they deserve it. They ask for it every day by being so censorious, and frankly I don’t give them as much of it as they deserve because I have other things going on in my life besides posting comments that happen to offend them.


By the way, y’all should check out some of the creepy shit that Agnostic’s regular commenter Feryl has dumped into his threads. Heeby jeeby. The guy (I assume it’s a man, not a woman) sometimes makes sense and seems decent enough, but other times he’s all like, fuck the Boomers for claiming a conscientious objection to going to the jungle to shoot gooks. Seriously, Feryl once wrote, “the kind of thing that Boomers twist to their own benefit, ‘it’s against my conscience to kill poor gooks in Asia.'” This is Level 10 Asperger’s-spectrum creepitude. There were a lot of self-serving Boomer draft-dodgers, to be sure, but being shipped off to Nam to serve as cannon fodder for Bob McNamara’s game of Risk? That process was so ruinously deranged from the start, and so irrelevant to credible American national interests, that no American ever had a civic obligation to take part in it. I’m not about to go all Hanoi Jane and defend the Viet Cong for sticking it to the Man, but Ho Chi Minh had popular legitimacy in Vietnam, and the CIA’s South Vietnamese client governments did not, although it would have staged coups against them periodically even if they did.

If you know the right people, you can get paid $20 a load to shit in a paper bag for some perv at the Emmaus Burger King (long story how I came to know this), but with comments like Feryl’s about the moral righteousness of being shipped halfway around the world to do My Lai on “poor gooks,” I’d be honored to shit in any number of alt-right punchbowls for free any day. Look, I’m only doing Karl Ove Knausgaard-grade obscenity here, but more concisely; I’m not busting a sperg nut fantasizing about how righteous it was to shut up and run through the jungle.

No Viet Cong ever called me Whitey. Not that I’m about to grab an M-16 and pacify Black Kensington, or that Jonathan Josey has the balls for that job when he can throw some chick flat on her back for giving his cops lip; I’m just sayin’. Spergs looking to live vicariously through the mutual brutalization of two countries’ conscripts: God help us all.

This is definitely a crowd we can believe when it complains that we’re too impolitic on the internet.


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