Clinton v. Sanders in a picture

Most political memes in circulation are unadulterated garbage. This one, however, is aesthetic bronze but intellectual gold:

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Rarely has something so true and profound been explained so succinctly using such shitty graphics. As it pertains to Hillary, this meme is actually quite understated: remember, this is a woman who robbed petty bourgeois retirees of their life’s savings in the Whitewater real estate scam. Unfortunately, we don’t particularly remember, since the mandarin class running our free press (LOL) much prefers that we forget, and the vast right-wing conspiracy, which should have used its usual laser focus and message discipline to never let the public forget about the Clintons’ venality and treachery towards workaday Americans, has instead always gotten distracted by talk of the moosehead truth, drugs, interns, cigars, the martyrdom of St. Benjamin Ghazi, and other red herrings.

Even so, not all is lost. Bill may be fucking golden in a way that the Honorable Rod R. Blagojevich 40892-424, aka the Mayor, only wishes he were, but for a large, politically diverse portion of the electorate, Hillary will always carry the taint of scandal and inherent immorality. Her incredible fakery doesn’t help. The Big Dog fakes like a pro, so that only his most implacable enemies fail to be charmed by the knowledge that he’s bullshitting the hell out of them; with My Turn to Lean In, the bullshit is painfully crude and charmless. She puts in double the effort for a twentieth the result. Bill at least has a certain redeeming beauty about him in the form of his sheer charm and eloquence; with him, you may get screwed, but you’ll be screwed in style. Hillary, by blatant contrast, is aesthetically, operationally, and ethically a dumpster fire. There’s no redeeming beauty about her, no cruel Thatcheresque wit to be enjoyed while the Midlands crumble to dust and Brixton goes up in flames. Old Maggie once famously said that all that is left will be bitter, and all that is bitter will be left (she quite enjoyed her daft pub jokes, it seems). In our case, all that is bitter will be crypto-center-right, as it has always been. And no, that harsh bite didn’t come with age; it is evergreen.

Hillary will never shake this reputation. Her only hope is the lockstep support of a diminished electorate limited to the embarrassingly disingenuous post-1968 bougie elements that fully took over the Democratic Party apparatus under her husband’s leadership: Beltway courtiers, self-dealing mandarins from management and the professions, the noisy third-wave feminist subset of these mandarins who would rather enjoy seeing prostitutes interned in labor camps and the sexually undesirable majority of men either neutered or put down (yes, like pets), hangers-on at nominally left-wing think tanks, chickenhawks who somehow never find their way to Armed Forces recruiting centers, kept men and women of any of the above, and various combinations of this worse-than-useless sewer scum. Probably three quarters of her base are the sorts of people who should hope and pray for nonviolent reform, even at the expense of their own immediate affluent self-actualization, because in the event of violent revolution or even an increased baseline of violent crime, they’ll be prime targets for execution. Hillary is a very widely hated oligarch catering to exactly the sorts of socially climbing Outer Party cadres who have notoriously pitted women against men, brown against black against white against yellow, young against old, and urban against rural, all in a scheme to privately divide the looted spoils of an immiserated public. She’s a vector and beneficiary of the sort of gross public corruption that laid Russia low under Boris Yeltsin, at a time when the United States is not in materially better shape across the board than early post-Soviet Russia (e.g., Flint, Detroit). Few Americans are affluent enough to expect to benefit from the rapacious neoliberal regime that the Clintons advocate. The mainstream media can devote their Bernaysian best to papering this truth over, but they can’t count on their audience believing a word of it. Since at least 2008, shit has been far too real for far too many Americans for the propaganda to work according to plan.

Hilary isn’t just rapaciously self-dealing in her professional life; she’s utterly graceless about it after hours. She notoriously gets off on abusing the help, including Secret Service agents in her protective detail. She is notorious for firing nonpartisan career White House staffers as political payback. By many accounts, she has gleefully ruined some of the most loyal and trustworthy members of Washington’s servant class because they offended her by remaining on cordial terms with members of the Bush family. She treats crack law enforcement officers who would reflexively take a bullet for her like piles of dogshit in her way on the sidewalk. Some of these stories are beyond parody. She is said to have told a Secret Service agent to get fucked after he said, “Good morning, ma’am.” There are plenty of ways that a protectee might respond a bit ungraciously to such a greeting due to stress or worry, but “get fucked” is way out there. This woman is fucking ugly. As far as I know, there aren’t any conflicting accounts in circulation about Hillary being gracious or pleasant with Secret Service agents in private. The things members of Washington’s nonpartisan servant class have said about her are overwhelmingly damning. Apparently she’s in a class of her own.

Of course she’d demand gas money. She’d probably want federal-rate mileage reimbursement. Hillary is the rich bitch from the neighborhood who doesn’t want the children of riffraff like trauma nurses or schoolteachers dirtying her Mercedes. It isn’t because she can’t afford the cleaning fees if they spill a McFlurry on the floor carpeting; it’s about the brats’ lack of awed, total respect for the sanctity of her fine-ass ride. That is, it’s about their deference as inferiors to her, their better.

Bernie is the retired social studies teacher from the neighborhood with a 1995 Volvo who’s all like, “Just a second, let me cleah this crap off the passengeah’s seat, I have no idear how it all piled up theah.” In real life, he says, he drives a little old Chevy beater. He’s the kind of person who would probably give a nigga a ride, if he had time, anyway, because he can imagine himself needing a ride at some point and not wanting to be stranded. Hillary has enough money for NetJets in perpetuity. She can’t imagine being the kind of loser who needs a ride. I have to assume she treats her pilots like contemptible little serfs because she very much considers them her pilots.

It’s refreshing to think that, come next January, the United States just may be governed by a more or less normal American citizen for a change.

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