Fractals of gimmedat

The libelous internet rantings of a psychotic squatter with $667 in monthly disability income and a net worth in the low hundreds of dollars are always fun. Joe Dirtbag told me that when Psychotarp was on his way out, he passed around scraps of paper on which he had illegibly scrawled the URL of a farm “tenants’ association” website. As far as any of us can tell, Psychotarp is the association. I did some Google-fu based on what Joe Dirtbag had told me about this tenants’ association, and within seconds I tracked down the website in question. True to Psychotarpic form, it is batshit fucking crazy. It presents itself as a sort of blawgging, which means that Scott Greenfield is a colleague; I’m sure he’ll be thrilled.

Tellingly, the first time I ever learned Psychotarp’s surname was through the tenants’ association website. I get really sick of doing business with people who don’t provide their last names, because it conveys the feeling that I don’t really know who they are and tends to feel really shady. I consider it to Psychotarp’s credit, then, that he is operating this website under enough of his full name for readers to be able to figure out who he is. Maybe that level of upstanding candor is a fringe benefit of being nuttier than an Almond Joy and having absolutely no discernible insight into one’s own condition.

Verily his nut hopper runneth over. Have a taste, why don’t you (names changed for reasons of chickenshit ass-covering, discretion, or whatever the fuck you fancy calling it):

Housing Authority brief – theft of propane, doctoring of satellite image of farm, corruption, anti-Semitic arson, contemptuous harassment and rural file deletion under 24USC§153 or §154? Shitbird Hollow Farm is valued at $1.5 million. After I appointed The Ragin’ Canajun my candidate for property manager RC told me that the Housing Authority had been threatening Joe Dirtbag with the loss of rental authority for some weeks. As the first voluntary evictee I of course wonder why RC’s email did not work the first try and if it were not his fallow takeover with occupational risks as high as a tree feller bringing the fiduciaries of Shitbird Hollow Farm into question. I just talked to the Ragin’ Canajun to be sure that he understood that taking the railings off my raised beds of growing plants to dig a second ditch, and condemn these transplants to death through his negligence, a second time, without reason, in my grade A flat farm company and not finish the greenhouse job that day, incurs $50 civil liability payable to me this February 2016 because he has offended a $50 claim to private property paid to Joe Dirtbag on top of whatever love the land and water (law) has for JD’s sudden onset of severe mental illness and his people who live by river. Can RC pay Psychotarp $50 for accidentally forcibly relocating his ‘forest labor’ or is he too litigious to receive $50 a month? Does RC have enough money to pay all the claims for compensation by all the residential tenants forcibly relocated by some mad agricultural tenant’s land grab valued by the UN Compensation Commission at $2,000-$10,000 per family?  I can cut the Ragin’ Canajun’s legal corporation a deal to rudely squat the willow forest half of the community garden, as he has already started to do, for $20 a month, as low as $240 a year. The other residential tenants live in homes that are much more expensive and they are commensurately more displeased with the Ragin’ Canajun’s OCD tinged legal threats to deprive the people who live by the river of their rights under color of land and water (law). We wanted RC to turn Shitbird Hollow Farm farm into an Eden but he had no respect for the rights other tenants and Joe Dirtbag is advised by stare decisis to return the Ragin’ Canajun the extra money RC spent now, so that RC could better buy another piece of land before spring planting, that is not already owned and populated, instead of criminally infringing upon the rights of the tenants at Shitbird Hollow Farm the Ragin’ Canajun must be able to co-exist with, if he wants to fix Joe Dirtbag’s tractor with ROP and live on my garden money. To make a long story short this misunderstanding is all my (and RC’s?) fault because one must never, for a third time, pay a loved rural rat trap dweller who left rat poison lying about. Leave food in a compost pile where you can tolerate the rats and bears, 50 yards from a clean kitchen and rat proof food storage.

I transcribed the entire paragraph above verbatim, except for the changed names. This is what I mean when I say that Psychotarp is crazy. It shines through in the man’s prose.

The disturbing thing isn’t that he’s straight-up bonkers, but that a few of his accusations may be more lucid and accurate than they sound. He claims to be owed $50, either one time or monthly, either for the negligent killing of his plants or for his eviction from the farm. In the same paragraph, he asserts that stare decisis, a broad legal principle governing the applicability of court precedents to future cases, is narrowly applicable to a theoretical financial dispute between two third parties that, to my knowledge, has never been a matter of dispute between the direct parties. (I know, Wow Much laws Very review.) It’s possible that code enforcement officers acted on my complaint about the farm and Psychotarp subsequently distorted their visit into a dispute between Joe Dirtbag and the Housing Authority (which is actually a private housing charity, not a government agency). As far as I know, no action has been taken, and I figured that Joe Dirtbag would have blown his lid if code enforcement officers had visited, but I don’t know for sure, and I’m not interested enough to ask and risk a hideous blowup.

Psychotarp obviously needs a guardian of some sort advocating on his behalf. Joe Dirtbag exploited him for free labor with full knowledge that he was severely mentally ill. In exchange, he gave Psychotarp nothing but a place to pitch a tarp in the woods, shower room privileges, and incidental utility rights. He apparently considered this a fair, reciprocal trade, which it absolutely was not.

Elsewhere on his blawg, Psychotarp offers extended comments in support of the Hammonds and the Malheur Wildlife Refuge squatters, pursuant to the Homestead Act of 1900, some UN charter provisions, botany, Native American land use traditions, etc. Joe Dirtbag told me that Psychotarp was “inspired by the patriots at Malheur” to tell him that he would be moving into the old community garden site under the Homestead Act. JD responded by telling him that that wasn’t part of their agreement, and the next day Psychotarp packed up his belongings and left. His sister told the Ragin’ Canajun that she was surprised he’d lasted so long on the same property, because usually he floated from place to place pretty frequently.

Think about it, though. One crazy motherfucker from the neighborhood homeless camps is the fruition of a hundred fifty years of manifest destiny gimmedat excuses for middling and high whiteys to roll onto the range and grab shit from whatever peoples, if any, were there first. As they say, disordered thinking adapts to prevailing cultural norms. These fuckheads rolled into Malheur to flat-out steal some shit from Mama Sugar, their loyal but inadequately generous benefactress, and their very heavily covered cracker rally became an excuse for Psychotarp to move onto a disused part of someone else’s property where he had not been given permission to squat, from a different part of the same property where he had been given permission to squat.

Joe Dirtbag told me months ago that Mixups in my Mind was gone for good, but only a few weeks ago JD found him moving dirt around near the front driveway. “So I asked him, ‘Hey, Mixups, what are you doing?’ and he told me, ‘I’m moving dirt around.” So I told him, ‘Mixups, you aren’t allowed to be here.'” I guess we opened a can of worms by allowing randos to squat on our property, eh? And by “we,” I mean Joe Dirtbag and Captain Flimflam. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Meanwhile, the Ragin’ Canajun told me that he helped take down and roll up a bunch of bird netting “so JD wouldn’t get another fucking Psychotarp.” He also told me that there was a lot of bad blood between JD and the farm-to-school program organizers over the deterioration of the program and its eventual abrogation, so it was too touchy a subject to discuss very candidly. This is a bit bullshitty to my way of thinking. Joe Dirtbag exposed probably hundreds of minors to two erratic psychotic tenants and festering squalor under the auspices of the state schools (homeschool your kids, y’all). The Ragin’ Canajun told me that towards the end schoolchildren were being escorted onto and off the property by security guards, and that JD did nothing about Mixups and Psychotarp in spite of repeated warnings from the program organizers that they would have to abrogate their relationship with the farm if the crazies kept menacing children under their supervision.

The precious feels of a dipshit who serially endangered the welfare of schoolchildren and parents and administrators who did not put an immediate stop to the child endangerment should be irrelevant. Sweeping this sort of shit under the rug is bad juju. It would be like my publishing a history of the RCMP with an entire chapter on Robert Service but not a word about Robert Dziekanski or Robert Pickton. As it is, I’m far too reticent about this shit in real life, and far too talkative about the same handful of Canuck shitheads in these pages. All the same, it would be much more lucrative to put some potboiler crap about bad Mounties, CBC hosts, air force base commanders, and royally murderous Canadian pig farmers behind a paywall than it would be to keep doing unpaid farm work for freeloading relatives. I’m making progress clearing out the abandoned semillon, though, and, according to the Ragin’ Canajun, Psychotarp made some progress towards showing Joe Dirtbag that the wages of freeloading is, derp derp, that guy didn’t actually roll up all that much bird netting in exchange for his tarp site. I’m quietly proud of Psychotarp for that.

*Jian Ghomeshi voice* TO BE CONTINUED

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