(((MONEY JEWS)))

This is a useful term that I heard from one of my fellow Starbucks layabouts, pursuant to Wow Much coffeez Many indolence Omg (((howard schultz))) Very zoomzoom. This fellow told me that a mail-in genetic test showed him to be (((part Ashkenazi))), although not very much so. (((More than Elizabeth Warren is Cherokee)))? Probably, although I wouldn’t assume by awfully much. He was impressed that I knew so much Yiddish, which he initially referred to as Hebrew. I didn’t utter more than half a dozen words of Yiddish in front of him. When I first said “Yiddish,” he initially took it for a slur upon the Jews, not a way of communicating with the more old-fashioned ones.

Some people would take this fellow for an antisemite, or maybe a more all-purpose bigot. I don’t. He used “money Jews” to describe a narrow class of troublesome Jews, not all Jews. Come to think of it, “shanda fur die goyim” may have been the only Yiddish phrase I used during our (((discussion))). Money Jews are more or less the same thing. My grandfather, a Staten Island dentist, was not one. Sheldon Adelson very much is one. That’s why he’s Maximum Shanda. This dude at Starbucks insisted that Monica Lewinsky is a money Jew, which I find hard to believe. A social climber, yes, but she’s a pretty half-assed one. She has nothing on Hollywood or Washington for Jesus-Christ-you-putz sleaze. Adam Gellin wanted to be a money Jew; instead, as Tom Wolfe pointed out, he was a no-money Jew who had read Jews Without Money in high school. Psychotarp doesn’t have a prayer of becoming a money Jew, even though he’s a Jew and the Social Security Administration regularly gives him money. (((Psychiatry))) isn’t helping him, apparently, but then again, it didn’t give Nidal Hasan the wherewithal to heal himself, either.

Sure, there are some real bullies who use Echoes notation, and some tendentious but interesting techsplainers on the subject, but sometimes, Alfonse D’Amato calling a colleague a putz is just crudity, not antisemitism. It’s possible to be against specific Jews for specific reasons and not be against all Jews for general reasons of damn Hymie. My grandfather probably would have considered Sheldon Adelson a real schmuck, too. His father was the one who liked to say that “the problem with the Jews is that they haven’t been assimilized.” And, yes, there is some awfully untoward-looking conspiratorial activity involving wildly disproportionate numbers of influential Jews. Whether these particular money Jews are members of the Illuminati, the Bilderberg Group, or the Freemasons is hardly even relevant, since their public relationships and on-the-record behavior is odious enough on its own. The Southern WASP establishment in prewar Hollywood was atrocious in its own right, so maybe the preeminent power centers in a country as wealthy and influential as the United States are so enticing that they inevitably attract jackals and vultures. There’s some ugly shit festering just behind the curtain. Scott Simon never sounds enthusiastic about Bruce Jenner’s boob job or trannies on the toilet; it always sounds like someone from the back of the house handed him a set of talking points. Maybe he’s been offered the Bob Edwards treatment as an alternative to enlightening the public with more tranny talk and less about Gregorian chant albums and #SPORTS. Chicago Senpai isn’t a money Jew, but it’s pretty clear that he works for money Jews. Just look at his sloppy hot mess of an employer. Just listen to its functionaries bother you for money two or three times a year.

No, I’m not trying to give internet bullies cover to harass Jewish writers with images of Auschwitz and accusations of ovenworthiness. That’s ugly behavior. I get dogpiled by internet white supremacists from time to time, and it can suck. Mostly, I find it annoying. For someone who isn’t rooted in a healthy IRL community, it can be devastating. Sometimes, internet bullying is severe enough to provoke a Rehteah Parsons tragedy (although even in a case like that, the technology is just a medium to catalyze ugly mob behavior that would be perfectly feasible in a gossipy Luddite community). I’m rooted in physical communities, not just unreal ones, so I was actually disappointed when I didn’t provoke a flaming on the KMTR thread about Donald Trump’s visit to Eugene by posting, “Kwesi Millington for President would be an improvement over this thread. As they say, he’s electrifying.” With all the Trumpkins and antifa flaming each other upthread, I was really hoping that someone would take the bait and accuse me of disloyalty, treason, homosexuality, or cuckoldry. Instead, I got nothing. No one even accused me of making Kwesi Millington up, which is always one of my hopes. It’s the kind of serially reheated Canadian news that might blow Americans away with the Afro-Canadian angle. Then again, the KMTR crowd probably would have thought that I’d made up Tommy Douglas, too, and it definitely would have thought that about Robert Service.

Morley Safer: a Canadian Jew. (((Also Mort Zuckerman, unfortunately))). At least I’m still getting dozens of hits a day in these pages on account of Dubai Porta Potty, so I’m not a complete irrelevancy in the vibrant diversity of the internet marketplace of ideas. Yes, that was nothing but crude SEO. If I were a money Jew, I’d be writing hot takes more lucrative than these. Still, God bless the Arab-American friendshit.

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