Many of you, if I may address my old prep school and college crowds so impertinently, have no idea how badly you’re blowing it by throwing the collective weight of your class behind Hillary Clinton and indulging in your petulant mass fit over Donald Trump. It is not a good look. You do not wear it well.
I’m friendly with a number of the flyover country losers your crowd so smugly throws under the bus for being insufficiently credentialed and polished. In certain respects, I’ve become one of them.
We have good reasons for wanting to see your kind humiliated. Y’all humiliate us plenty. You hardly even try to hide your contempt for us. Those of us who are white often find ourselves used as projection screens for the ridicule of vices you’re too chickenshit to criticize non-Asian minorities for cultivating. You wreck our job markets, flood them with utterly unacculturated foreign peasantries of dubious US work authorization that you have deliberately led into an underworld practically devoid of civil rights, encourage systemic discrimination against the uppity native stock of all races, and then have the gall to smear us as bigots for not being more welcoming to this pool of foreign scab labor that you clearly do not want living in your neighborhoods as equals or dating your children.
You’d have snipers drop Sureño cholos like so many rabid dogs if they went wilding in Chappaqua or Bethesda or Beverly Hills or Palo Alto, but if subhuman filth from MS-13 wants to ethnically cleanse Compton and indiscriminately run its citizens out to Lancaster and Victorville, who gives a shit, right? And don’t the stupid, backwards kinds of white people deserve to die young from opiates, alcohol, and obesity, anyway? Heck, that means that their problematic politics die with them. Two birds, one stone: let’s cast that bad boy.
Hillary is exactly the politician a hated bourgeois supremacist establishment will not run in times like these if it wants to avoid a crisis of legitimacy. She’s the distilled essence of what shit-upon workaday people hate and distrust about yuppies. Since she and her machine make a point of pretending to care about minorities and project their racially tinged class bigotries onto poor whites for purposes of virtue-signaling, Po’ Whitey ain’t got the truck he once had with the old shrew.
Trump, of course, charged right into this leadership vacuum, maybe a bit too conveniently. But with the Democratic Party marginalizing the hell out of its resurgent socialist faction and the Republican establishment being despised and distrusted by probably the poorer two thirds of the American public as a gang of sleazy posh crooks, the territory was his for the taking.
When Clinton reminds voters of people from their own lives, it isn’t in a good way. She’s the sister who moved to the big city, sold out, made a killing, and now hates her hometown and everyone who never left, a distaff Garrison Keillor unabashedly high on herself. She’s the endlessly sermonizing schoolteacher who has alienated two thirds of the student body by never dismounting from her high horse. She’s the amoral goody-two-shoes tattletale who went on to become the grandiose, easily offended, paranoid, vindictive high school principal, widely rumored to be afraid of her own students. She’s that crazy bitch from HR or the HOA board. She’s Deirdre “tell Brad to send that bitch up the fucking river” Eshleman. She’s the lady of the house who screams bloody murder at the maid for missing a tiny spot of grease on the stovetop, then ends up on Dateline after murdering her husband for sleeping with the maid.
These negative associations are not all class-specific. There’s plenty about Hillary that offends members of the upper middle class who value good manners and ethics, and her talented tenth base has been swollen by voters who would find her objectionable in normal years but are horrified by her opponent. The most pointed distrust, though, comes from the poors: men in precarious or downright ruined financial circumstances who don’t enjoy listening to a #LeanIn centimillionaire whine about male privilege, lower-class women who resent that cutthroat socially climbing bitch for smearing their husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons with a broad brush as troglodytes when they’re in fact good men, young people drowning in debt who are sick of being lectured by a Boomer who notoriously whored herself out to Goldman Sachs.
It’s pretty simple, really: we don’t care to have that shrieking, lying, thieving, dissembling, treacherous bitch and her hysterical bougie army tell us what to do. We’re sick of being bossed around by yuppie scum that might rather that we be Soylent than be insolent. We’re sick of kowtowing to what Chris Arnade calls the kids from the front row.
Accusing Trump of being Hitler does nothing to assuage our concerns that Hillary is a deranged freak who hates her fellow citizens. Outside DNC true believer circles, many voters think, oh great, there they go again, calling their opponents Nazis. The rhetoric isn’t too historically literate, either. The Democratic Party has shown shit for leadership in defense of constitutional law post-9/11, has actively tried to erode due process under the auspices of a moral panic about gunmen following Newtown, and has a long, sordid, and embarrassingly recent history of racebaiting, in which the Clintons have featured prominently.
The deployment of dirty and probably illegal tricks against the Sanders campaign makes the Trumpenführer talking point sound especially suspect. The Democratic Party sank the new FDR, and now that he’s safely out of the way, it’s stirring up a panic that the remaining major-party populist is a fascist strongman in waiting.
But what if the choice this year isn’t between Hitler and FDR, but between Hitler and Warren Harding? How much unchecked elite self-dealing and public austerity can the electorate be made to tolerate merely because one of the most notorious vectors and orchestrators of that corruption keeps using her blustery opponent as a cheap foil, accusing him of violent extremism whenever she’d rather not discuss her own wildly scandalous behavior? Seriously, we can’t vote for the more credible reformer because YOU, of all people, regard him as a dangerous megalomaniac? The guy who’s calling for detente with Russia and a harder line on Saudi Arabia (the sugar daddy of 9/11) is the one who will start a nuclear war, while the woman who’s angling to go Napoleon-larping on the ethnic Russian-majority outskirts of Russia is the sane one? Bitch please.
Absurdly, this woke moral posturing is coming from the same woman who ran for the presidency in 2008 as the working-class hero standing up to that mulatto egghead with the funny name on behalf of salt-of-the-earth piker whiteys in flyover country. This time, she’s bitching that these damn crackers are a bunch of moral reprobates standing in the way of progress, bending the arc of history away from justice and towards you-name-it. Last time, she was the Wellesley- and Yale-educated yuppie power lawyer catfishing as a bartender straight out of Cheers while her operatives trafficked racially charged rumors that her opponent was born in Africa. In the meantime, she must have decided that her old target base is less useful to her now that she has had serious challengers contesting that territory and that it’s time to throw the insolent white trash under the bus for its disloyalty to her.
I’m not even planning to vote for Trump at this point. He’s been trafficking enough crackpot movement conservative talking points that I’m now planning to vote for Jill Stein. The Trumps and the Clintons are awfully chummy. Still, I’m not entertaining the Clinton machine talking points that ha, we told you so. It takes one hell of a calculating shithead to stand back while a foil from the opposition spouts crude blather about everything and nothing, then use the foil’s goofy comments as a wedge to threaten nuclear winter at a maniac’s hands if one is not elected president instead. That’s on the level of Muammar Qaddafi threatening to release a flood of black African refugees into Europe as a geopolitical punishment of governments that had crossed him.
No, you don’t tell us so. WE tell YOU so. It’s time for the lecturers to listen. Poor cracker boys have been voting since Andrew Jackson’s time, and MLK was right about that arc of enfranchisement. Just you try to turn back that river, massa. Just you try to turn it back now.