There’s this public ditz named Tomi Lahren who emerged, seemingly out of nowhere, some months ago as a Millennial surrogate for #TCOT. Even by CNN standards, she’s a special kind of stupid. Mind you, I’m not completely sure that she’s been on CNN, and I’ll be damned to look it up, but she’s the kind who would be. For the same reasons, she’s bad even by the prevailing Republican standards of the current year. It’s 2016 already, and we still haven’t shooed these stupid bitches to the margins, where they belong.
No, we’ve done worse. We’ve welcomed them in from the margins. Only five to seven years ago, back when CNN helped unite me in my funemployment with my late grandmother in her honored citizenship (grandma’s idea more than mine), it had yet to turn into the poor man’s McLaughlin Group that it is today. Someone needs to warm the chairs, and it ain’t Eleanor Clift.
This Lahren chick says the most mindnumbingly stupid shit. We’ve always had retarded bigots in America, but there have been times in our history when a walking clickbait article about how Black Lives Matter fabricated Ferguson out of whole cloth had to mimeograph her own zines and curate her own mailing list. Bitch I watched Ferguson on live television close to full time (the boob tube isn’t a total loss, then), and yes, Virginia, there are problems with St. Louis County law enforcement. There are reasonable Opposing Viewpoints (TM) on Ferguson, but Lahren is not one of them. Her problem is with uppity poor darkies who don’t enthusiastically suck pig cock.
We have to wonder about journalistic standards when that stupid bimbo gets increasingly prominent platforms for being a retard’s Ann Coulter. Try to imagine Gwen Ifill or Walter Cronkite getting anywhere professionally by acting like that. That was not the way it was. Or maybe that would not have been the way it would have been. Just a bit deeper into the past subjunctive and I’ll be able to kill Baby Hitler. Television news (sic) has apparently turned into a high school with a bad social scene, and Tomi is the head cheerleader. What did we do to deserve this? Okay, our parents probably bought too much zoom-zoom for recreational drives on PCH during their midlife crises, but must the punishment of their sins fall on us as well? The Boomers hogged all the demographics for themselves, so probably.
Why, though, do journalists and commentators who should know better fawn over this woman for being a malignant retard in public? Trevor Noah interviewed her not long ago. Noah is pretty familiar with Africa’s bad governments, including the apartheid South African government that punished his parents for conceiving him. He compared Donald Trump’s narcissistic public language to Robert Mugabe’s, among others. He, of all people, should have had the force of conviction and sheer disgust to put a dipshit in her place for expressing the politics of Mark Fuhrman with the diction of daddy’s little girl who just got fired from Abercrombie for a string of no-call no-shows corresponding with Coachella.
I’m stoked, Salazar. I’m fucking stoked.
One of the glaring problems, unfortunately, is that journalists, and those kinda sorta pretending to be journalists on unabashedly truthy non-news news shows, are addicted to their own conceit of objectivity. It gets them high. When the news machine coughs up random attention-whoring kooks and shitheads and arbitrarily vests them with credibility as representatives of something or other, maybe just of themselves, good journalists have this pathological compulsion to respect them for being respectable. A normal person would be like, who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you yelling at me about, but journalistic decorum, ridiculously elevated to a form of high ethics, forbids such candor. A sincerely objective journalist could always interview a crazy asshole and then present countervailing evidence that verily the asshole is crazy, but that sort of objectivity would upset the prominently subjective, and then they might not give interviews so easily.
It’s pretty sordid. Tomi Lahren is only an extreme example. Lawmen, usually former but sometimes current, get coughed up to prominence by this same machine. Reporting on David Clarke’s breaches of official ethics and gross failure to run a humane jail would be problematic, but broadcasting whatever loudmouthed nonsense he just blurted out to some convention hall full of Republicans would be journalism. Our friend Fuhrman has story-whoring gigs on Fox, among other platforms, on account of his perjurious racism, not in spite of it. Back before he started running his mouth and getting stupid in Brentwood, he had a reputation as a fairly competent, if abrasive, LAPD detective. Gary Aldrich, the Moosehead Truth guy from the nineties, was an FBI agent at the White House, but that didn’t stop him and every pundit within six degrees of him from blurting out antecedent-free blather about that fucking moosehead. Dan Bongino was an NYPD officer and then a Secret Service agent, eventually assigned to presidential protective details, before he reduced himself to politics.
It’s a long way down, but the pay is a long way up. The incentives aren’t there to put in a full twenty in the Service and then retire to, I dunno, golf. The pay isn’t nearly enough for that. Father Joe was able to cash out at Comcast for a spell and then come back south to relieve Julia Pearson of duty. In Congress, there isn’t any duty to relieve in the first place. Word gets around that the tits aren’t so dry at CNN and the policy shops, and a man’s gotta eat. Norm Stamper must be too busy catching up on doobie snacks out in the islands to properly colonize the media rent-a-cop ecosystem against these cheap hucksters, so here we are.
The media encourage this shit. If dipshits couldn’t line up paid gigs talking about that one time that drunkard from the HUD fraud case told the court about that fucking moosehead, they might study for realty licenses instead, or become diesel mechanics. Bongino is NYPD and hotep enough for Fordham Law, certainly for John Jay. Thing is, the return on investment isn’t as good. Willie Sutton averred that the money was in the banks; these hustlers sniffed some out in the conservative (sic, mostly) movement, and they’re in it to get theirs.
What they are not doing–this can hardly be reiterated enough–is using their gifts of leadership, or following their callings, or anything else that might sound elevated. They’re out for the attention and the money that can follow it, and they’re shrewd enough to successfully get themselves a piece of that action. Of course they’re crass and amoral. So are the elites that they’re aping and constantly angling to join. The higher purposes that they claim to be pursuing are little more than pretexts for their self-aggrandizement. Fuhrman, already stably employed at a solidly middle-class salary and established in a cohesive local community based largely around his job, tried to hitch a ride to stardom by sitting for shock jock interviews with a nobody who was dabbling in documentary filmmaking. The stable side of Los Angeles where he’d put down roots wasn’t enough for him, so he sought out one of its unstable, endlessly fameseeking sides. The amateur documentary didn’t pan out on its own, but half an hour as the lead detective at the OJ murder scene combined with the documentary materials and all the other seedy information that came to light about his bigotry did. He’s up north on the panhandle Whitey Rez now, and he’s often on Fox News.
If the incentives were different, these guys might be doing something more respectable and productive. If the incentives were different, a whole lot of Americans might be doing something more respectable and productive than they’re currently doing. It’s almost as if this country has really, really shitty economic incentives.
Tomi Lahren has achieved a rather special sort of power that few ex-cops can hope to enjoy: she has become downright antifragile in her ignorance and idiocy. As bigoted or kooky as an old cop or spook or soldier can be, there’s a general expectation of some modicum of an informed understanding of the world, or of some narrow portion of it corresponding to individual expertise. All Lahren has to do is hit the right psychosexual notes and she’s golden. She operates on the limbic system. She’s a Dennis Geyer of the national psyche. Watch out for that thermos. Ann Coulter manages to thrive in a similar fashion but without the sex appeal. The market for professionally angry shrewishness must be larger than I had considered.
A number of smaller fry swim around in her wake, some of them pretty much coasting because independent thought would be, like, way much work and stuff. I can’t think offhand of any who aren’t women. The sex appeal definitely helps. It’s a specific kind of sex appeal, though, based on a studied superficiality noisily masquerading as social grace.
For a foil, look at Richard Spencer. The guy’s pretty damn handsome, but he’s openly odd and clunky, so you’re always tempted to hand him a towel and ask him to shine your jackboots. The ditz squad has more polish than that. Heh. Polish. There could be a way hotter math whiz chick in the same school who’s also smarter, but if she doesn’t dress vaguely like a streetwalker or jump at the chance to polish (hey there!) Society knobs all day, she’s a nobody. Taylor Swift has a song about this. Taylor also has songs about getting dicked vigorously by some real shady dudes. Well, not explicitly. I’m sure I know people who know Miss Wyomissing, but I couldn’t say exactly who. I also know that guy who flies signs in Oregon to fund freestuffin’ trips to stand downs in Washington because we sometimes sleep at the same rest areas. He gave me some deposit bottles and a chocolate peanut butter protein bar one time.
Giving disingenuous mean girls mass-audience platforms from which to holler their word is a sign of national decline. A healthy society marginalizes them to the extent that it can. They’ll always be around, but the rest of us don’t have to aggrandize them. Journalists and commentators who are personally too intelligent and thoughtful to fall for their bullshit certainly shouldn’t give them platforms from which to preach unopposed. Being a rich girl who’s gone too far again because the old man is standing by discreetly in the background shouldn’t be a Get Out of Criticism Free card. It actually does matter anyway. We ought to have the balls to say, bitch out of the way, we’re leveling some shit up now. Or the disgust. These bimbos won’t be sexing you, dude. That’s why we have whores. Richard Spencer has the right idea: there’s no reason to white-knight a white girl when you can white-knight a white race instead.
There are people on television who wouldn’t understand the concept of leveling up because they’re too busy leveling the rest of us down. Laughing at them is fun and civic.